The history of 411ism - 1st episode

A história do movimento 411ista,
em episódios.

Tudo começou assim com godariush:

yesterday, wednesday

yesterday, wednesday, after you dropped me
in commercial 206
in your white Japanese car
high from the ground
with seven coins and red tassles
to bring you prosperity
you who spent two thousand
on boots in sao paolo
high from the ground
to bring you strength
and we kissed
goodbye as rain splattered
on the red ground
twice on the mouth

i crossed the road and got into hilan’s car
and with hilan and laura
ate lychees
we went to sorbe and ate ice cream
mango and pineapple with ginger
then we did the shopping
for the margaridas dinner that evening
bought imported wine from alentejo
where there are secret jews
pistachios and persian limes
and mushrooms to make a risotto
with cachaca

at one point i stopped, looking at the glass cases
where they keep the cartons of cigarettes
marlboros and luckys and brands called
free or derby or hollywood
so beautifully ordered in two glass cases
a rush of joy remembering
the first time i went to granada
and saw cartons of cigarettes
lined up in the state tobacco shop
and the heat soaking me
tired eyes and breathlessness
the blue and white of ducados

which i couldn’t explain to laura
in portuguese
but she understood my feeling she said
they look happy because they are all together
lined up on the glass shelves

i wasn’t thinking of you at all
all day i wasn’t thinking of you
i wasn’t talking about you
only once to say
just that we had a good time together last night
but i have to hold you responsible
for my feeling all day
of summer
here in the southern hemisphere
in brasilia where there are no seasons
a remembered, embodied feeling
of summer arriving

later i was sleeping in the hammock
while laura slept on hilan’s bed
listening to her sleeping cd
which said
that the last barrier
is the fear of death
i could see very vivid pictures
the edges burnt up with sunlight
when i shut my eyes
groups of people and animals
and jungle trees
something like the illustrations
in the book about the sin of luxury
where a woman who looks a bit like you
holds a small bear between her legs

but i wasn’t thinking about you at all

and in my own flat at sunset when i went back to shower
i lay on the pornographic mattress
looking at the sky
with vini reilly playing guitar
a sketch for summer
and i had a few moments of fear
my old fear
saying
we are such fragile containers
for happiness like this
it shakes us from the inside
and i feel breathless
and don’t know if i can hold it

the last barrier to sleep may be
the fear of death
but it’s not sleep i’m after
it’s the fear of life
that i’m going to conquer